Each year, we invite a WARM Place family to share their story at the Race 2 Remember Them. This is a powerful reminder of why this community gathers together for a morning of remembrance. This year, we are honored to hear from the Cutshall family. After the unexpected death of Harper and Holden’s father, Lance, Alison made the courageous decision to seek support for her family. What began as a daunting first step became a journey of connection, healing, and hope.
How did you hear about The WARM Place? What were your feelings about bringing Harper and Holden initially?
The WARM Place came up in several conversations right after we lost Lance. I felt so lucky to have people in my life who were so familiar with the WARM Place and the amazing services they provide. They felt like it would be a good fit for me and my children and encouraged me to look for support when I was ready. My initial thoughts to bringing the kids were how daunting it felt. We as a family had never been in a more uncertain and emotionally fragile state but I knew it was the right step for us as a unit. It was very important to me that I do everything I could to make sure we had as much support during this new chapter of our lives.
What changes have you seen in Holden and Harper since starting group?
The changes were nearly immediate; I remember after our first group night the car ride home was the most open and honest conversation the three of us had had in the eight months since we had lost Lance. I have watched over the last two years as they learned how to be open and vulnerable not only in a group setting but at home as well. The ability to put words to some of the very deep and complex feelings that they experience in their individual grief journeys, they have learned how to be better support for each other. It has brought them closer as siblings. It has given them the necessary tools to be able to articulate just how deeply the loss of their dad impacts their day-to-day life and it has prepared them for how it will continue to affect their life going forward.
How has participating in the adult group helped you personally? How has it helped you in supporting Holden and Harper after the death of their father?
Immediately after the unexpected loss of Lance, it was so scary to be faced with how to navigate a brand-new reality for not just myself but my children. Making the decision to attend the adult group was one of the best decisions I have made for myself. Navigating grief has been one of the most lonely and isolating experiences of my life thus far, until I started at The WARM Place. Having the opportunity to be surrounded by other parents who are in situations like my own gave me a reprieve from the isolation. I wasn’t alone. I had the privilege to hear firsthand how the other parents and caregivers in group were navigating the very things that I was. There is something so comforting about knowing that it wasn’t just me. While we all bring our own unique experiences and situations to group what makes it so special is how the threads of grief but also love are able to connect us all together. How we can find solace during heartache. During one of my first group nights, I was able, for the first time since the loss of Lance, to feel hope. Hope that was found by listening to the stories from my group peers, listening to their stories and their triumphs. I felt hope that one day I too could share how far I had come in my grief journey, share my own stories and experiences that might help someone else.
Attending adult group has given me the tools to work through a lot of the big emotions that come with losing someone you love, it has given me a guide of how to show up for my kids to the best of my ability to show them that we are in this together. Every other week after our group night we get the chance to talk about what we each did in group, those conversations have led us down the path towards healing.
Are there traditions or special things you do as a family to remember Lance?
It might sound silly, but we are always on the lookout for the type of car Lance drove. We call them “daddy car” and it’s a fun game we play every day as we drive around town. We love when we see them out around town – it is our reminder that he is always with us.
Now that you have been coming to The WARM Place since April 2024, what would you say is the most significant tool it has given you as a grieving parent, helping your children navigate their own feelings of grief?
It has given me the chance to understand that grief has no timeline and that even though me and my children all are grieving the same person, we all grieve differently. It has given me the courage to show my children that we can move forward in our lives despite the devastation of losing Lance. I cannot understate how significant it has been in my life to have the opportunity to be in a room with people who understand. They understand the complexities of being a grieving parent, and how to work through the big and small challenges of parenting along side that grief. It has made me a better mom.
