Mother’s Day can be difficult for those that have had a child die. Recently we asked moms in our adult women’s group on sibling loss night what Mother’s Day means to them. They had a lot to say….
“My children have been my greatest joy, but also my soul-piercing, deepest sorrow. When Nick died, I wanted to be gone too, but knew I needed to be here for my other kids. Being a mother has been a roller coaster—up, down, sideways. My goal is to focus on the wonderful aspects of all three children, be grateful for them and for my husband, and let go of my child’s manner of death and physical absence. Great love can also lead to unimaginable heart-breaking loss. I choose life and to celebrate LIFE.” –Annette.
“I read a book recently about grieving mothers and it said something so profound, “Even in my child’s death I am still mothering my child.” I guess I am. After all, he’ll always be my son. I never want anyone to forget who Gianmarco was, and who he continues to be to all of us.” –Sonia
“Being a mother has been described as walking around with your heart outside your body. I have been the mother of 5 for 13 years now—5 hearts walking around outside my body. Three months ago I lost my son Jess. I am still the mother of 5 and I still have 5 hearts walking around outside my body. The only difference now is that one of those hearts is whole again and I never have to worry about him hurting. I now focus my mom energy on the remaining 4 hearts. Not an easy task when my heart is broken… I always will cherish every bookmark, card, picture, or little memento I was given by Jesse. Mother’s Day can never be the same again, but it can still be happy.”—Theresa.
“I’m feeling anxious this year because Hannah’s birthday and Mother’s Day are the same day. We will be trying to celebrate the 14 years that we were blessed to have our daughter. Mother’s Day for me has always been a day that my family spoils me. I’m still blessed in many ways—my loving and caring husband, Nathan, and my two boys. I know Hannah will be with us Sunday in spirit.” –Debbie
“I used to take Mother’s Day for granted. I was used to my children always getting me something or making me something. I could always expect that I would wake up to a spotless house and breakfast. Since Winston was able to make money, I could always expect a bottle of perfume or a piece of jewelry, even if just from the beauty supply or Dollar General. As he grew older, those gifts turned into nicer things. Yes, I grew to expect them. Now, I know Mother’s Day will never be the same for me. Not because I won’t get any gifts. Not because the house won’t be spotless. No, I’ve lost so, so much more. Winston had a spirit that never stopped giving. He was kind, loving, and had a personality that could not be beat. It was definitely a gift from God.”—Crystal
“I’d just like for my friends and family to call often and say, ‘I love you’ often.”—Krystal
Mother’s Day can also be difficult for children who have experienced the death of a mother. The poem, My Mother Grew Roses, was written by our very own WARM Place counselor, Gina Brown, in memory of her mother. It comes from the perspective of a child who has experienced the death of a mother.
On Mother’s Day we honor all mothers, and children of mothers gone but not forgotten, always in our hearts. Take some time this month to smell the roses……
– Kathy Telger, WARM Place Counselor